A Tale of Two Adjectives

Tomorrow, or technically in a few hours, I'll be on my way to Depok for my registration process in University of Indonesia. Whew! Let me catch my breath first. I really have come to this point in my life: university. I get annoyed when my relatives say "wow, you grew up in an instant" or "you were not this grown up yesterday"; but now I am saying those kinda sentences to myself. I'm surprised that I've actually reached that point, which seemed so distant even when I was doing my final high school exams.

We were taught the difference of adjectives "eager" and "anxious". The last time I checked, eager is the good kind of waiting for something, while anxious is the bad kind. For example, you are eager to see who will be the next American Idol; and anxious to meet the mean dentist. Apparently, things are not so simple -or my vocabulary is not good enough.

I expect people to describe what I'm feeling as "eager". Reaching my targets, entering my dream uni, and all that stuff should make me eager to face tomorrow and the days (whoops, I meant years, looong years) to come. Yet, I don't think that the word eager can fully describe what I'm feeling right now. And by "now", I mean 11 PM June 2, 2008.

Anxious must be in the concoction too. I don't really know what to expect during the registration process and normally, not knowing something to come makes someone anxious. I guess that's why we like to be in the know. But today, I honestly don't know what on earth is going to happen tomorrow. That reaaaally prevents me from anxiety. Annoying, stupid thoughts are making more visits to my brain more frequently than usual. That's also a sign of anxiety. Crazy thought is a regular visitor, by the way. Nothing crazy with that.

However, I'm certainly not a nervous wreck; Chris Crocker is. Kidding. I just don't know which adjective to use to convey what I feel, basically a night before officially getting into uni. This tale of two adjectives (what a lame wordplay, Dickens must be turning in his grave) is not a clear intersection. I don't get to choose the "eager" route and leave "anxious" behind, vice versa. The line between them is very blur. Eager is a cocky person's anxious, while anxious is a stressful eager.

Eager or anxious, it doesn't matter. What I know is that I have to stop typing randomly and sleep. I'll have to beat the rooster tomorrow, and beat the world too in a few years.