When Things Get Weird

In Indonesia, things tend to follow the path of least expectations, rather than of least resistance. Weird stuffs pop up in the media each and everyday without any sign of its stopping; in fact, I feel that we're currently in some kind of mystical renaissance. But no, I'm not talking -at least for now- about what the guys in DPR are doing. Frankly, there's plenty of weirdness to go around without involving Senayan. I'm talking about the growing popularity of bogus mysticism (pardon the pleonasm) in the society.

In the telly we have these disturbing REG PRIMBON and REG WETON guys, offering dubious advices based on the clients birthday in Javanese calendar. If they think that it's working...apparently it's true. These ads haven't stopped haunting the holy box, so it must be making mountains of money. In fact, we're getting more of similar stuffs. Oh man, those genies must be paid millions for this. Additionally, we are treated to an unhealthy dose of the infamous Indosiar sinetrons that jumps the evil snake the moment it starts. For one, the sinetron uses dubbing for some unknown reason, perhaps to distract us from the wooden acting. Or the questionable dialogue. Or the surreal storyline. It also has an endless array of poorly-rendered "horrifying" creatures to choose from: giant cobras, dragons, eagles, devils, and the whole lot. Expect Caribou Barbie to drop in soon. The funny thing is, most episodes are set in an imaginary Less-than-Lalaland, while the cars cruising around clearly sports Jakarta's "B" license plate. Here's hoping that Indosiar is actually desperate, not stupid.

Furthermore, a quick glance at any roadside magazine vendor will also reflect this otherworldly trend. Chances are you will have plenty of newspapers and magazines to satisfy your inner hunger for wicked "news" (mind the quotes). I've actually got the chance to see what's inside. Once, and only once. In that edition, a loyal reader gladly shares his encounter with your typical (dead) lady-in-white, while another expounds on the "science of ghosts". Wait, there's more. It also contains ads from quite a selection of dukuns/shamans/magicians/"smart people" who are ready to help you anytime, whether it's for seducing the next door pair-of-boobs, making you emit an irresistible aura, piling up the bucks, or giving Pfizer a run for its money. It seems that they can make all kinds of magical charms and amulets for any intention.

Now you won't be surprised by this particular mystical case in Bali that will make SBY's "Blue Energy" and "Supertoy Rice" tomfooleries sound like science and Donna Sheridan's sexual adventure in Mamma Mia! seem tame. A while ago, an elderly man in the famous Island of the Gods was caught red-handed having a little fling with a female cow. You know what I mean, right? I can't describe it too well here; I have no intention get this blog blocked by our self-righteous government. The poor guy, reports say 70-years old, was so strongly attracted to the cow that he didn't hesitate to do some nasty things; he just couldn't help it. If you think this story ends there, boy, are you so wrong. Later, people found out that the (un)lucky cow was pregnant with what's supposed to be a half-man, half-cow creature. (I know what you're thinking, just hold off those thoughts for a while.) Locals were enraged by this disgraceful action and said that the old guy practically cursed them all. Different doomsayers have their own doomsday scenarios, for example the Porn Bill being passed into law, but as far as I'm concerned, the guy messed up big time. Thus, to keep Hell from raining inferno upon their heads, the villagers decided to conduct a purification ritual to wash off the curse.

Funny enough, the ritual was as sensational as the cow-affair itself. The pregnant cow was tied to a motor boat, dragged for about 3 km into the ocean, and finally they let her drown -bringin with her the whole set of bad luck. At this point, I felt quite sorry for the elderly man because he hasn't got the buzz he deserves. Hello, he was the one who acted wildly, so for the sake of fairness he should get more exposure. Sadly, until today he's not half as popular as the now-drowned cow/victim. Meanwhile, this piece of story's 15 minutes of fame is stealthily fading away.

I rarely mess with other people's cultural practices, but this one is so wrong on so many levels. First of all, the rapist is a poor man, yet the cost of this ritual is quite steep. The punishment will surely send him further down the spiral of poverty. Second, it promotes an illogical way of thinking. Seriously, how can a cow be knocked up by a man, they simply don't match. Maybe the cow has been cheating on somebody else before being impregnated - again, seriously? Lastly, it is an unnecessary killing of animal. The drowning of the criminal cow can only mean that some people prioritize mysticism over logic and science, even in this so-called modern Indonesia, where one can access the internet from a roadside coffee shack.

Stay tuned in for the next weird things!!

A Sad Story and A New Hope

Before I begin anything, I'd like to say that I'm very sorry to have put this blog on hold for almost two weeks. Things have been happening so fast around me that sometimes I just can't get a grip on myself. Lebaran holiday, assignments, stuffs, other stuffs, surprise sickness, Trans-freakin'-Jakarta, and a whole lot of stuffs. Don't wanna sound sentimental, but I wholeheartedly miss my blog. Anyway, I'm glad to be back here -yay!- and I happened to remember that I pledged to join the Blog Action Day 2008 about Poverty, which is scheduled for October 15. I know it's a bit late, but I'll still do this post. (I don't quote Star Wars for nothing, you know).

Poverty. As an Indonesian, I hear the news everyday, I read about it, and most importantly, I see it with my own eyes. Unlike those who instantly associate poverty with bones-and-skin children of Africa and all those publicity stunts with Hollywood stars, it doesn't take more than a trip to the nearest mall, with all its glory, to really see how a considerable part of Indonesians actually live their life. Another mile will give anyone a knock on the car window, with all kinds of people begging them for money.

In the last days of Ramadan, lives were lost in a depressing, yet disgusting parade of poverty. Twenty-three people were crushed to death while struggling to receive Rp30,000 ($3) zakat money from a local businessman. Similar accidents from all around the country also made it into the media. The capital city was invaded by yearly beggars and whatever their intention may be. During Eid festival, more people line up in the governor's and president's houses for a chance to meet their leaders, and get an envelope of money. After the annual Eid homecoming, many unskilled workers -most of them armed only with dreams of a better life- try their luck in the cities with gold-paved streets.

Honestly, this post won't offer much solution because I myself am in a lost of words about this matter. Poverty isn't as simple as running out of money. There are a lot of things that play their part in this phenomenon: education, culture, government, politics, public services, environment, finance, law, just to pop out a few. Furthermore, poverty is like an evil spider that spins its web tangling all nations on this planet, from America to Africa, Indonesia to Israel, Paris to Papua; including you. Addressing this issue is never an easy task; otherwise, it won't be as bad as it is now.

In Indonesia, it is too easy to yell at the government, especially since they somewhat deserve such yelling for choosing to prioritize dividing this nation with draconian bills rather than to fulfill the citizens' basic rights. Our lawmakers have been living in luxury for too long while people don't have access to the most basic housing and schools are literally collapsing on students. They've been flying all around the world for dubious political trips when their constituents have to walk kilometers for a bucket of water.

Opportunities are wide open to contribute to the fight against poverty through many channels. Foreign aid agencies have set up branches here, and local ones are also sprouting everywhere. Additionally, the call to zakat (alms) has grown louder each year with organizers that grow more professional. Somehow, people see such organizations as the best way to help the noble cause.

Nevertheless, I still firmly believe that the government should maximize their role in this global fight. It is too bad for anyone to lose faith in our country's systems and its ability to eradicate poverty because only the government has control over all fields related to poverty and thus, they should be able to come up with a comprehensive plan. We need a government with a clear vision and goodwill to spearhead efforts to lift people from poverty. The people of this proud nation can no longer afford to have a feeble-minded government leading Indonesia to nowhere.

Therefore, I urge each and every fellow Indonesians eligible to vote in the upcoming 2009 elections to bring the best candidates to Senayan and to the Istana Negara. How our future government handles poverty depends on our choice; the power to bring a massive positive change upon this country lies in our very hands. Going golput is a choice, but it is not an answer: how can you look at anyone else after you decide not to help this country build a stronger government? We have been given a chance to help fight poverty through the polling booths, why give it up?

In the end, it is up to you. Just remember, DON'T VOTE UNLESS YOU CARE.

---

This post is part of Blog Action Day 08 - Poverty

Can't Buy Me Love, Even With 700 Billion Dollars

...but it will buy me a lot of everything else.

As long as I can remember, economics has never been my forte. Well, unless you count extorting money from my parents as an economic activity, then I'm skilled at a part of economics. Otherwise, I don't really understand how money could support or strangle a country with all its consequences. I rarely read the business part in the newspaper, and when I do scan an article out of curiosity, I don't have any idea what it's talking about. Taxes, stocks, commodities - they're as alien to me as the internet is to McCain.

However, these days I just can't escape from the news about the US economy meltdown and the possibility of a subsequent worldwide depression. Freddie and Fannie Mac; Lehman Bros; AIG; Washington Mutual. These names are competing for the most tragic story in every channel of news with tales of bankruptcy and all that jazz. Then, the issue has become one of the main points in the US Presidential race with both candidates trying to gain the confidence of voters in this matter. Honestly, I don't know how this whole thing started except about the fact that Americans are borrowing more money than they can afford and the banks were too glad to lend as much money as possible. The cause also has something to do with the housing industry bubble, which eventually burst due to oversupply of homes in the country.

I just updated myself (read: opened Wikipedia) and apparently, the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 -or simply the bailout plan- was passed by the Congress and signed by Dubya. What is this Act? From what I can gather, it will give the US Treasury US$700 billion to go on a distressed-assets shopping spree. It is an attempt to rescue the US economy, and possibly the world's too. I don't know how they're going to throw the lifesaving 700 billion dollars to help the drowning economy. Nevertheless, with the help of some basic math, we can figure out many things we can buy with that ginormous sum of money. (Seven hundred billion dollars, that's a '7' with eleven zeroes following it: 700,000,000,000; just in case you're wondering.) I have traversed the net to compile many stats about this 700 billion, especially for you guys. This will be a silly post; you have been warned.

If you have that kind of money with you, you can give about $2300 to each person in the United States or $6200 per household. Or maybe you want to treat each American to 4500 McDonald's Apple Pie, that's fine. You can also jolt every Brazilian with 2 cups of Starbucks coffee everyday in a year, unless you want to buy a brand new Hummer for each of the 11 million living in Cuba. Why stop there? You can also literally buy Coca-Cola for the whole world, 2-litre bottle every week for a year. Are you game enough? With such money, you can buy 10 Monopoly games for each of the world's 6.7 billion human beings. Last but not least, you can help Alaskans (including Mrs Sarah "Tina-Fey-glasses" Palin) see Russia a lot more clearly from their houses by buying each of them 10.5 million lightbulbs.

If you are more of an individualistic person, you don't have to spend all that money on being Santa Claus. You can run your own country, or buy one for fun. For example, you can buy the Netherlands, which isn't too bad, or two Denmarks. Definitely a great bargain. That $700 billion dollars will also give you the right to humiliate Bill Gates: twelve Bill Gateses to be exact. Feeling devilish? Start your own war: the US govt has spent only a little bit over $600 billion in Iraq so far. Then again, if you somehow think that this monster cannot be stopped, you can prepare yourself and buy 400 space shuttles to launch yourself away to colonize another planet.

I'm trying to put it in local perspective -this is an original work, mind you. In rupiah, $700 billion sounds even scarier: '7' with 11 zeroes, multiply with '9' with 3 zeroes (that's taking the lower estimate). Say your prayers, honey; it's 63 with 14 zeroes. Rp6,300,000,000,000,000. You can give each of Indonesia's 235 million citizens about Rp26,800,000 which is 27.5 times the official minimum wage in Jakarta. Get your abang gorengan, then every Indonesian can get 53,600 of those 500-rupiahs fried snacks. If you'd rather go to the movies, you can spend your life there with 180,000,000,000 tickets on your hand -taking the price in Pondok Indah XXI (Rp35,000). Well, it's not so fun to go see a movie alone, right? Take along the whole country everyday for two years.

I don't know where to look for the fancy statistics, but I'm totally sure that 63-with-14-zeroes rupiahs can educate millions of underprivileged Indonesian children, give them proper nutrition, provide adequate healthcare for the whole country, build decent infrastructure in every province, and be put to good use in helping people get themselves out of poverty. I'm not a fan of the military; however, I'm sure that Indonesian military will appreciate even just a part of the money to bring their equipments to the 21st century. Indonesia can also channel the money to its talented researchers and artists to discover the riches our nature and culture can offer: alternative energy, arts, biology, medicine, music, and many more.

The problem is...Rp6,300,000,000,000,000 doesn't grow on trees and neither does it lie around free for the taking.

Celebrate the Eid!

Jakarta is left by millions of its inhabitants, shops are offering extra discounts, and special foods are springing up everywhere. In television, the wicked have repented and the b*tches have traded their hot skirts for head scarves. It can only mean one thing: Ramadan is over and Idul Fitri (or Lebaran) is just around the corner. If you, like millions of other muslims, go to more religious services during the fasting month, you've probably heard something like "Good muslims grieve at the end of Ramadan, for it means the month of infinite blessing will be over soon". However, I proudly beg to differ. There is no good in weeping for a passing month, right?

Personally, this Ramadan felt like only a snap with all the stuffs I had to do while starting at the university. It ends as suddenly as it came. The fasting was surprisingly not as hard as I had expected, although some scorching days really did test my faith and I had to suppress my anger at the nearly-inhumane TransJakarta. I did enjoy the month since it's even better without all the brouhaha I used to endure in high school. I also appreciate the fact that my life kept going as usual while I was fasting. Previously, I felt like I have to lives: normal life and Ramadan life, which is ridiculous. I believe that Ramadan is a moment to improve our lives for the whole year, not a month of pious alter ego.

Anyway, Ramadan ended today at magrib (dusk) and tomorrow we'll celebrate the Eid. The date is mostly uniform throughout Indonesia after all major Islamic organizations agreed that Eid will fall on October 1. That's another good news because there won't be any confusion like last year when Muhammadiyah ends Ramadan a day early. It was like "Minal aidin wal faizin. When did you celebrate eid?". Not nice at all. As every year, my schedule for the day stays unchanged. Eid prayer in the morning, dad's side of the family gathering, and then my mom's. It's a law set just after the universe was born.

Eid is one huge celebration after fasting for the whole Ramadan. Don't get me wrong guys, I don't do "new Lebaran clothes" and neither do I "fantabulously overdress" for the occasion like some clueless Indonesians. Nevertheless, Lebaran is undoubtedly a fun day that can never be replaced. Precisely what God made it to be -or at least what I think God made it to be. I simply love the whole festive atmosphere everywhere as if the whole world were a party. For one, there will be plenty of the promised ketupat and opor ayam, along with other wonderful food. Oh yeah, it's so close, I can taste it already. I also get to meet my relatives -some of them I never knew I had- and apologize for whatever wrong I might have done him/her. It makes me smile all day, even at my "Lebaran relatives" (most of them from my dad's extended family. Sorry dad!)

Furthermore, I admit that I am quite behind in sending out Lebaran greetings via SMS. Looking back, it was an SMS near-disaster last year because of capacity overload in almost every, if not all, mobile operators. Piles of text messages -if you want to call it so- got stuck the whole day and somehow, the overload somehow tells you how much profit these telecommunication giants make each Lebaran. Perhaps that's why I've already been receiving Lebaran SMS's from about half of everyone. Basically, they're trying to outspeed the trouble; SMS now when it's "quiet" and don't burden the cellphone network anymore. 

What about me? I am pleased to announce that I haven't even composed my message yet. Making the Lebaran greeting is no easy matter because it has to reflect the wonderful spirit of the day, be fun enough to read and remember, and not sound so pretentious. It means no weird Arabic chants and no faux-poetic regretful expressions. In my previous SMS's, the main ingredients are the all-important apology ("minal aidin..., mohon maaf..."), a prayer for the future, and also a "happy holidays" remark. Then, to choose the appropriate words and sentences, I have to thread the thin line between being creepily rigid and being annoyingly perky very very carefully. In Grey's Anatomy terms, maybe right between Preston Burke and Sydney Heron with a little nudge toward Sydney. Well, just wait for it.

So, let's have tons of fun tomorrow, because having fun is never a sin. Start a whole new page in your life, strengthen your family ties, and eat like there's no tomorrow. I was moved by a Lebaran ad by Pertamina, in which a Pertamina gas station helper (yes guys, you don't fill your own gas in Indonesia) shows a customer that the counter starts from zero. It has two meanings: that the station is one of the few reliable stations in the city and also that after Lebaran, we get over our mistakes and start from zero again. Anyway,... .

EID MUBARAK 1429 H. HAPPY EID FITR. SELAMAT HARI RAYA IDUL FITRI. HAVE A BLESSED LEBARAN. MINAL AIDIN WAL FAIZIN. MOHON MAAF LAHIR & BATIN. PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF MY BLOG HAS EVER OFFENDED YOU. HAVE FUN and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

And that would be my cellphone ringing with another SMS...